Cherished memories…*I miss you*
March 25, 2007
Today is a weird day. Firstly, it’s a Sunday. Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against Sundays. Only that I have this thing of HAVING to go out of the house at least once a day and if that doesn’t happen, I become super-cranky.
Then, I woke up this morning after some super-horrible dream. Not horrible, really. Just making me rehash memories and making me feel what I haven’t felt in ages. It was about P, how she has come here only for 2 days ang God knows what.
It felt quite awful. Because it felt exactly as if she really had come. And obviously, when I opened my eyes, everything was the same as before. Didn’t feel too good, mark my words.
Funny thing is…when i woke up, I didn’t immediately remember if I had had a dream or what it was about. But what was funny was the fact that I woke up and started acting all like a baby…the way I used to some months back…I couldn’t really figure out why. But obviously, the dream hit me and I found out why.
Now, the second I came online, Appley sent me these msges:
*apple* says:
i just read that thing
*apple* says:
i wrote for u n P wen she was leaving
*apple* says:
now im sad
Nostalgia struck, obviously. I read the thing she was talking about. Lol. So many memories flooded me, I actually felt breathless for a moment! I thought I would post it up here, just so that you people can have a share in Appley’s wisdom. lol.
P.S. For those of you who don’t know anything about me and P, we were more than best friends for a year and a half but then our school ended and we both moved along separate ways (I came to this excuse of a university, BNU, though I prefer the name Mickey Mouse University, and she is in England doing ACCA) but Al-Hamdulillah, we are still more than best friends, still in contact, still in ‘love’, still eating each other’s brains out every now and then. Hehe.
But I miss her like never before too.
When Z was leaving, I made her an unfinished file of memories and asked a couple of our friends to write something for us. This is what Appley dearest, the writer, the sage, the experienced, wrote for us.
Salams paijaans,
I know Sana wanted this to be handwritten but I’m as far from pens and papers these days as Sana has always been from neat handwriting =P lol, yes if I’m going through the trouble of writing this very difficult thing that I have been asked to write I WILL make jokes about both of you.
So where do I start about the two of you? I don’t think I can add a lot to what you people have or what the both of you should do to make it even better but what I can offer, from my VAST experience in this field is advice about what NOT to do. I realize most of the things I’d write here are ones that you know already but I’ll just write em down for reminder sake.
When two people are as close as you two are, one often tends to forget the boundaries where your own life ends and the other one’s begins. As close as you might be to each other never feel like you own or possess the other person. Always value each others’ views and respect the boundaries. Very often when you’re this close the boundaries tend to blur themselves and when you try to control the other person and she has to tell you that afterall it’s HER life, it comes to you as a shock.
The worst thing that people can do is take each other for granted. Never think, uska kya hai who to hamaisha hee meri friend rahay gee. The little gestures, saying ‘I love you’ at the end of every phonecall, surprising each other with lil gifts, listening to each other rant about random things, crying together, laughing together, telling each other five minutes after meeting ‘I miss you already’, tend to be taken for granted gradually. It becomes very routine and the three words ‘I love you’ sound very common. Never let yourself think the other person doesn’t mean what she says, that she is obliged to say it to you, that it’s just out of aadat. Always believe in the love you have for each other, value each other. I read somewhere:
Never take someone for granted. You might wake up one day and realizethat you lost a diamond while you were too busy searching for stones.
A’Levels has ended, and we all have moved on and moved apart. As difficult that is to digest it is the truth. But this is where the real test of friendship begins. Nothing binds us together now, not school, not tuitions, not Zarish teaching
Sana Math, not
Sana lending Zarish Paulo Coelho books. What binds you two together is friendship and that alone only. You’re out of school, things will change, don’t expect them to remain the same. You will contact lesser than you used to, not because you don’t want to, just because its physically not possible coz of the distance. The key to any successful relationship lies in not living in the past, but the present and not worrying about the future. Don’t get caught up in the past coz as stupid as it might sound right now, it is very tempting, trying to live on memories. You will miss each other but don’t let that become your obsession. Remember each other in your prayers, write to each other, try to keep in contact but if the busy university life doesn’t allow you enough time don’t let yourself feel bad about it and don’t feel that the other person doesn’t love you anymore. I have never agreed with the ego theory that you people had but I always believe high self-esteem is absolutely necessary for any kind of relationship. I’ll enclose something for you two which was said by Kahlil Jibran in a very different context but I guess it would work for you too 
Love one another but make not a bond of love:Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.And stand together, yet not too near together:For the pillars of the temple stand apart,And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’
And lastly never let your friendship be a source of displeasure for Allah for such worldly friendships are always short-lived. Guide each other and protect each other, always knowing where your responsibility stops and the other one’s begins.
May you two enjoy the life long friendship everyone yearns for, may your husbands be best friends, may your kids get married to each other and may you bring loads of presents for me coz I wrote sweet things for you =D
Love, yours Truly,T and T!
PEEEP PEEPPP!!
December 4, 2006
I’m sitting here, writing post after post after post. I know there is finally so much college work that I have to do, so many assignments to do, so many research papers to hand in. I still have to read that detailed book of Anis Daud Matthews, discussing all there is to discuss about Hajj. I still have to start thinking about what to take with me for Hajj. I still have to read the The Satanic Verses of that poor soul who I pity with all my heart, that Salman Rushdie guy. I still have to think of a good conclusion for my final Art of Storytelling story. (I still have to take a bath.)
There’s so much to do and all I can think about right now, at this late hour, is how much I miss you, P. I think about how long would it be till we are together again. About how much more time till I can see you in front of me again. And hug you. And hold you.
I fantasize what glorious fun we would have if I came to London to meet you and spend my days with you alone. Every time any body reminds me of something I did on my last trip to England, or any of the fun places I visited, I sit back and think what fabulous fun we would have if we went to those places together or if we did all that together.
I have so much to think about but all I can think about is that what would happen if you ever felt ke “wo junoon nahi raha?” As in you look at me and you don’t feel the same, you touch me, I don’t feel the same, I hold you, you don’t feel anything at all. What would I do then?
Did you know that when you were leaving, and I saw you going inside wherever people go while we watch from outside at the airport, that I was desperately looking for one last sight? One last view? I still remember the way you were dressed. The striped fawn and white shirt Sum gave, the brownish pants, your hair tied up in a ponytail.
I was looking for you, wondering, hoping, praying, if I could see you for one last time before you left. And then I chid myself, “Don’t ask for such a thing! Allah might accept the prayer and make it your very last sight!”
So I tried to shut myself up as my eyes looked around wildly for a glimpse. I didn’t get it.
But I was happy. Comforted. At the thought that Allah did not want it to be my last glimpse.
As usual, it’s late in the night. I have to wake up early and go to college tomorrow. But all I can do is think about how much I miss you, P. How wonderful it would be when, soon, InshAllah, we would be together again…
I don’t know…
November 21, 2006
ok…Lemme be very clear here. I did NOT want to create a blog. I did NOT want to start it as a profession. I did NOT want to write because it’s been such a long time since I have actually written something worthwhile, and writing again, regularly, spontaneously, passionately, scares the living daylights out of me.
But i have these two highly irritating friends (hehe) who happen to be full time bloggers and who desire to give up their lives for blogging and blogging alone. (Yes, i do mean inn ka shaheed honay ka plan hai blogging ke liye!) N Yes, you both know who you are, you Blogging Cousins, you! Lol…well, as it turns out fate bound me to one of them as we both got tied down in the same dump of a university! Now if two people aren’t that close and only one of them is trying to be friends and isn’t really succeeding, then you don’t have much to talk about. So what do we do? She nags and nags and nags and nags and instructs, “Make blogging a serious profession. You understand, you insolent little beast?”
And I, the meek one, says,”I’ll try!”
So here I am…writing my first post. (Incidently, the introduction is not mine. The Blogging Cousin Part 1 made the blog for me and very magnanimously, helped me out by writing the intro herself.)
Lol, now that I have avenged myself, I’ll move onto tell you why actually i agreed to start blogging. It’s true Blogging Cousin Part 2, The Friend Who Uses Me For College Purposes, mainly persuaded me, but I’m not such an easy fish to bait. The thing is, I’ll come out plain here, no secrets up my sleeve…
I actually once used writing as an escapism. There was once a time when I used to take out all my pent-up frustrations, my problems, my hopes, my dreams all out on paper and actually feel relieved of the great burdens. I used to shut out the rest of the world with all its unneccesary pain, its unrelenting troubles and its depressingly inhuman people and curl up on my bed and write down my thoughts and reflections about my life and what i interpreted of others’.
It used to be relieving, fun and easy.
But it’s not anymore. I left writing several years ago and didn’t come back to it (despite desperately wanting to!) till i was kicked in the butt and forced to hold up a pen! Yes i took up Art of Storytelling as an elective in college…I started writing and it felt good. Really good.
Even though it’s still very difficult for me to stir the rusty wheels in my brain into motion, i have decided i will continue writing, despite all my evasive strategies.
So here I am…trying to write.
Reason number 2: My best friend left. She has gone to England to study and has been there and away from me for exactly 82 days,13 hours and 39 minutes. Yes, I love her. And i miss her.
I needed to write. Ever since she has left i felt like i needed to write. It’s funny though. When she was leaving, i wanted to give her a gift which would last till the next time we meet. So that she would remember me and us exactly as she had left us. Writing something for her obviously seemed like the best thing.
But i couldn’t think of anything. I just couldn’t write. It was shocking, exasperating, humiliating. But I couldn’t. I sent her off with a bunch of lame notes and miss-yous which seemed like they were copied off from some cheap greeting card.
It’s not like that anymore. Ever since she has left, i feel like i need to write. Sitting in the car, passing time in front of the damned TV,chatting with my friends, trying to entertain my Ma, suddenly i would feel the urge to write. Something for her. Something original, something heartfelt, something expressive, something impressive. Just something. And i would. I would pick up my poor cell and write a long long sms and save it in the drafts. Lame.
I guess this is for you then, P. My writing now, just as my thoughts, emotions and feelings have all been for you. Always.
“I don’t know.” Thats the title of my post. Yes, I’ve written a long post but i still don’t know. I don’t know what to write. How to express the feelings I’m feeling right now. How to describe this commotion inside me. The feeling that something is rising inside me, struggling to come out. I just don’t know what it is.
How do I write it then? How do I write it, P, what I’m feeling right now? How doI tell you there is lots to tell yet I just cant.
But I guess I will.
There’s always hope.
InshAllah.
I will…
