Do you ever get constipated?

I hope the animation works coz I’ve never tried uploading stuff. Lol. I got this thing from a cousin’s cell phone and exported it to my PC…heeh…ENJOY!

P.S. it’s gross, I know. I just felt like uploading something on my blog since I’ve never done that and since most of the pics I have are of people I can’t paste worldwide, I picked this one! Hehe

Helloz…

It’s been a long long time since Ive updated my blog. Tis sad, I know, but I just didn’t feel like updating. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like nothing has been happening in my life. Lol. I’m getting married in 2 days insha’Allah. Hehe….So ‘happening’ it is, most certainly!

Oooo…marriage? Scary? Exciting? ‘Nervousing?”

It should be. Lol. I once said to my fiance (a month or so back, I think) that by the time we will actually get married, we will probably have had so much of everything, our own wedding will become all humdrum and boring for us. Lol! It hasn’t become boring abhi (Lol!) but its probably not THAT freaky an event for me as it might be for some other girl. Ya, I’m getting married. Yes, Khair Mubarik. Yes, Al-Hamdulillah I’m happy. Aur sunayen?

Hehe…

ok, maybe I’m exaggerating and it’s not like this. But close it is!

Duas for me, my million million regular readers! Please! Lol…

psssssssssssssss! heheh!

ISNT THIS ONE AWESOMEEEEE PICTURE?

I JUST GAVE IT “THE BEST PICTURE I’VE SEEN FOR A WHILE” AWARD!

AALA!

P.S. “I love my blog post titling ability.”

Happiness abounds…heh..

Allah has full knowledge of your enemies. Sufficient is He as your Protector, and sufficient is He to comfort you.-Qur’an, An-Nisa, Surah 4:45

Wow! Isn’t this just simply AWESOME! I mean, I read this line and I just sat there, gazing blankly at the computer screen, just thinking how wonderful this verse is, masha’Allah!

Like basically Allah is saying, you just relax, take a chill pill, follow My Path and DO NOT worry AT ALL about ANY of your enemies, be it the stupid Shaytan, the people who hate you and wish to harm you, or maybe just your own Nafs which wishes to beguile you to the “Coool path” and lead you astray.

Just Relax! eh?

Makes me feel really good!

lol…

And you know what’s the SUPER BEST of it all? That Allah says that not only will He protect us, but also COMFORT us!! What can be more beautiful than that? Subhan Allah!

I’m so happy! hehe…

No Satory Watory!

N those who you who are expecting I’ll put the story on my blog here, JUST FORGET IT!

It’s not a typical STM story so I feel very self-conscious. Hehe…That’s why I don’t think I’ll put it here…

BUT  if some of the people who will be bestowed with the honor to read it, give it good reviews, I  just might post it…So keep your fingers crossed!

Secondly, its 27 pages long, double spaced!! Thats a hell lot!! You people will probably not even read such a long story! :’(

But who cares!! I’M FLYINGGGGG!! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Dance time!

*bhangra*

                      *bhangra*

                                                   *bhangra*

                                                                     Ballay ballay ballay!!

                                   AHAAAAAA!!!

Rejoice, O World, ‘coz my story is finally complete!!

Strange Happenings in De Park…

A few days ago, I finally decided to submit to my mother’s wishes and take up “walking” as a form of excercise.

(Those of you, who don’t know I’m fat, just die!)

Well, there’s this park near my house. It’s a small one, with a few swings here and there and two three broken benches in some corners. There are usually a lot of people there. Kids having fun, bigger boys playing football, still bigger boys out to “poondi” the poor girls and women alike who come to walk.

This time i saw this BIGGEST boy in the park, looking at the BIGGEST girl in the park.

(No, I’m not short of other adjectives, I just like the imagery!)

Well, if you don’t know already, the biggest girl is me, ofcourse. (Well, there’s this another Aunty, very…ahem…who comes to walk and eats Kurkure Chips while walking… No, I’m not making fun of her. I’m just tellingg…If I could, I would have done the same! Yum yum!)

Ok, so there I was, trying to walk as fast as I could. (If I had actually forced myself to move my *** away from the darn computer, I might as well should walk fast enough and make my Mom happy.) Well, it is usually that my Bhabi and I go together. The poor thing would probably start floating on air some time soon, but I need a companion.

As luck would have it, my Bhabhi fell ill the day before yesterday. The sweetheart agreed to go with me to the park, but after a few rounds, she started feeling ill so I told her to sit down. She went towards the swings to have a chat with the little ones there. I continued my vigorous walk.

As I was walking I noticed this newcomer in the park. He was a huge guy,well-dressed, a black woolen cap covering his huge head. (I sooo don’t wanna do any geebat or even make fun of him, but that’s the way he was. I hope Allah forgives me for the mere description.) Well, Al-Hamdulillah, now I am a old, old woman clad in a huge  chaadar covering me from head to toe. And to top it all off, I wear glasses too.

So when I thought this gorill* (shut up, Esh Tee!!) was looking in my direction a good number of times, I told myself that I’m just being a self-obssessed loser, trying to be as ‘cool’ as I once used to be. When I was used to turning a few heads. (No, I’m not self-obssessed! It’s the truth! Hehe.)

So I just shut my thoughts out and kept walking. Walking, walking, walking. I’m so happy the weather these days is  lovely or else I would have hated these walks. As it is, I really enjoy them because I love the cold caressing my hot red cheeks. (Yes, the slightest bit of excercise makes an apple outta me!)

So there I am, walking, and I keep thinking, “Is it my imagination or does this guy seem to pop up near my walking path a lot too much?”

 I still tell myself to shut up and get thin.

Suddenly, I see him stand near the most isolated corner of the park. (It’s not really isolated, the whole park can be seen from there, and the whole park can see that place, but still…there weren’t any people near it.) I think, O God, I don’t want him to approach me. So what do I do? I take out my cellular phone, which technically shouldn’t be called a cell because it sucks so much, and I pretend to talk to my ‘husband.’

“Jee? Jee, may aa rahee hoon. I’m on my way, honey. Don’t worry. I’m just coming. The children done with their homework?”

Apparently, the huge guy did not understand English. Or maybe, he was too busy thinking up a line to listen to what I was saying in my fake call.

Anyway, this round, the fake call saved me. I’m thinking of what next to do when I cross him. I plan.

The moment I know he can see me clearly enough, I start reading duas and stuff in my mouth. Moving my mouth very clearly, very noticeably. Get the message, boy. I’m married, have kids and to top it off, I’m also a fundo, conservo Maulvayan!

Well, apparently this time round he wasn’t going to be tricked. The moment I crossed him, I heard this voice:

“Esscuse me?”

Now, I am a loser, no matter how hard I try to deny the fact. I NEVER know how to react when a boy tries to talk to me. Should I just slap him for being audacious enough to just talk to me? Or should I walk past without listening to what he wants to say?

I mostly choose the worst option.

“Yes?” (in the most horrid, dryest voice I could manage. Oh, ya! My nose was in the air too, signalling violence.)

“Jee, FRAINDSHIP kerein gi aap mere se…”

I did not even let the poor guy complete his well-rehearsed line.

I burst into laughter right there in front of him!

I was like, “Nahii…”

My tone was mocking.

I walked past him without a word. I’m assuming the poor boy got embarassed because after that round, I saw walking outside the park.

I kept laughing inwardly till I reached the place where my Bhabhi was sitting. I told her the story and she said, ” Sanaaaa…what a dumb response! Please be politer. The poor guy is a human, after all. You should have politely asked him,’aap fraandship kerein gay mere mangaytar ke saath?’”

We didn’t stop laughing even when we had reached back home.

In my defense, I think I’ll say that laughing in his face at the idea of “fraandship” with him  was a pretty good response too.

No?

Wow!

Love, poetry, romance and a hunk!

What a combo!

How to become a BNU-ite…

It’s 3:18 AM and I am dead tired. My eyes are drooping and I keep thinking that I’ll work on it later, later, later. But the essay that I have been writing at this late hour for my Art of Storytelling Course at my university, BNU, is so exciting, I just can’t let go of it.

Now I’m finally done Al-Hamdulillah. I LOVE what I have written. We were told to write a “How to …” essay (a process essay) on a topic of our choice, and  I decided to write on how to become a BNU-ite. Cool, ah?

Now even though this is the rough draft and there are lots of corrections to be made and all, I’m so excited (but tired) that I think I’ll just post the essay here and share the wisdom. You people can help make the grammatical corrections waghira and also tell what you think about it.

(Oki  I just read the essay again and i know there are lotsss of errors. I’ll edit it later so ignore them. Or actually don’t. Tel me da errors you see in case i miss out on any.)

I’m soooooooo getting an A! *happy sob*

HOW TO BECOME A ‘BNU-ITE’. 

There is no need to define the term “BNU-ite” as the word itself screams out all there is to say. To teach you how to ‘Become the Nonpareil Unrivalled Imbecile ever To Exist’ is the aim of this essay, and hopefully after you are through with it, you will become the pseudo, wannabe or jerk (or all) that you wish to become.

The key to become a ‘BNU-ite’ is to forsake all conventional etiquettes, manners or ways of dressing up. You need to master the art of being rude to teachers and students alike. You must work on your fashion sense. (A quick message for those  who like the typical “shalwar kamiz” or the boring old jeans-and-shirt outfit: you might as well stop reading now and forget all your dreams of becoming a BNU-ite as you are unfit to become the wannabe you seek to be.)

For starters, a BNU-ite always wishes to explore the extremes of insolence and disrespect. So to become a BNU-ite, you need to make sure that, every now and then, you barge in a classroom while the class is in order. Now that you have interrupted the class and everybody is looking at you expectantly, look around casually, nonchalantly, indifferently. Fix the teacher with a challenging glare and then wave at a friend who might be attending the class. Glare at the teacher again before departing. Your movements must be slow and calm, confident and defiant; your footsteps light, as if you don’t have a care in the world. Remember to leave the door wide open behind you.

If any reader thinks this is impudence enough and that he will qualify as a BNU-ite once he does this, he must reconsider. Does he really want to become a BNU-ite? Because obviously he is not carved out of the cheap material which makes a BNU-ite, and I think he must give up on his hopes and desires now, before he gets rejected, and thus dejected, later.

It goes without saying that bunking classes is a special requirement for the How To Become A BNU-ite Course. Now, Lesson Number Two teaches you that if a teacher announces in front of the entire class that he is kicking you out of his course for the semester because your absences fill the attendance register, you dare not feel shame or embarrassment. Instead a BNU-ite will slide his way ot the centre of the class, open his arms wide and yell out a proud “YYAAAAAAYYYYY!”

 You must learn to feel noble, respectful and proud on the instances when ordinary people might die of shame.

A BNU-ite is always rude and extremely mean to his peers. Gossiping, making fun of other people, calling them derogatory names, laughing at them derisively, and spreading wild rumours about them, are some of the favourite pastimes of a BNU-ite. A special inherent quality that a Bnu-ite has is that he neither seeks knowledge himself, nor lets other people seek it.

 If some insolent fellow actually shows signs of interest in what is being taught in class, you must remember to gather a group of BNU-ites and make loud fun of that person. Interrupt that sassy fellow when he is discussing something serious with the teacher, heave exaggerated sighs and bless him with “Ahhhhs” and “Wahhhs” and “Wows” when he is making the grave mistake of giving the presentation that the teacher had asked everyone to give, and which obviously you have refused to do.

One can never become a BNU-ite without the perfect outfit. A BNU-ite is either a wannabe Brad Pitt or a wannabe Avril Lavigne, depending on the gender. But always remember, boy or girl, your clothes must never cover you. If you are a boy, do not forget to wear loose Bermuda shorts and then sit up on the chair with legs wide open. If you are a girl, a fuzzy, sleevless, backless sweater might do which barely reaches your waist. Learn to look beautiful.

And before I forget the accessories, do remember to wear sunglasses which expose only the tip of your nose, your hairline and the lower lip and chin. A BNU-ite, girl or boy, is very conscious of the Face Pardah.

Though this essay is only an introduction to the lifestyle of a BNU-ite, it needs no supplement. Once a person begins to develop the wonderful qualities highlighted in this essay, his BNU-virus infected brain guides him and directs his steps to the ways which will help him become the perfect BNU-ite, and thus, fulfil his role in society and the world as a leader of mankind.

 

Update, update!!

That’s what everyone keeps telling me to do! Ok…

Just an hour ago, in the washroom I decided I’ll write out this long serious post.

Ever wondered how there are so many people in the world and all have different faces?

Its easily said and believed that I’m the most beautiful girl in the world.

Having written that fact down, I’ll tell you something. An hour ago, there I was, standing in front of the mirror, making faces at myself. Cute faces, funny faces, horrendous faces, scary faces, beautiful faces.

That was when I realized how there were so many people in the world and how they all have different faces.

Probably when bored, Allah(AWJ) just sits there, takes his most beautiful creation and using her face, decides on the physical appearance of the next person to be born and sent into this world.

That’s why so many people say I have a very “common” face. That I have a very “familiar” face. That’s because Allah probably made many faces using my face as the first and the most beautiful version.

Ain’t that some food for thought?

Peace.