What the hay…!

I took this personality test on Facebook; those of you who wish to know me or who already know me and wish to see how questions and answers lead to an analysis of my personality can view it here: “>My Personality Report

It’s very interesting, try reading it once! It’s long but I enjoyed and it can lead to an interesting discussion with the subject being:

ME!

*Khamoshian ye seh na sakoon…awaz de ke mujhay tu day ja sukoon* playing in the background

How wonderful would it be if we could Select: All, None, Read, Unread, Starred, Unstarred memories and past mistakes, click on Delete Forever (imagine forever! FOREVER! sigh) and life congratulates and celebrates with us:

Hooray, no spam here!

I’ve never liked re-reading something I’ve written. Too insecure, too cowardly-whatever you wanna call it. But I was just thinking that even though I’ve never visited my archives, I’m pretty sure that I’ve never really blogged in a good mood. Upset, definitely; depressed beyond belief, certainly; nostalgic, many atimes; maybe even normal sometimes but never happy, never excited.

I’m sure it might not come across as that bad since my lowest form of wit emerges a lot when I’m upset and can be funny at times so my blog doesn’t seem like a “whineboard” as some people might call it. lol. But it has been like that and I’m sad about it.

 One day when I’m sixty, old, toothless, terribly nostalgic and digging old graves and new, I might want to return to this blog and re-discover the 19-20 year old Sana. And what would that poor old hag find? Someone as depressed, as disturbed and as sick in the head as the old nagging woman of the 2050s. May my soul rest in peace, I’m sure the doppelganger in the blog wouldn’t help the dying woman in any way.

Tsk tsk and sigh…

I’ve been thinking of blogging for a long while. Several times I have even begun writing and then left it after a paragraph or two. I have a lot on my mind these days but somehow it doesn’t want to be translated onto paper.

First and foremost, lets see what I have been upto. Nothing much, really. At least nothing of consequence. I have been busy and not really. Time passes some way or the other and yet I don’t realize when it does. I don’t think I really have a say in how I’m spending it or how it passes by so quickly and so slowly and once gone, I wonder what I have to show for it.

The other day I started a post and got down on paper what I’ve been doing recently with remarkable difficulty. But I didn’t feel like completing it and saved it instead. Now I can’t find it. Lol. So I’m not going to try do it again. Instead I’ll jsut discuss what comes to mind right now.

I’ve been sleeping, sitting online endlessly (doing nothing of consequence, of course), watching relatively more movies than I normally watch, praying a little but not really, and other things which I can’t think of right now.

Oh, I’ve been reading too. Al-Hamdulillah! I’ve fianlly started reading again. Maybe not voraciously as yet but still pretty regularly and eagerly. That’s a good start insha’Allah. I’ve started reading like this after years now and I know my writing has suffered coz of the lack of reading. I’m gonna try insha’Allah ot get back on track but lets see.

Writing I haven’t been doing which I’m sure everybody can guess. I ought to, but there are a lot of things I ought to do but I don’t. Now I’ve even become bayghairat and ceased to care. I think…Maybe there’s still hope. Wallahu Alam…

I’ve been learning how to drive. For the longest time. Lol. It’s sickening and embarrassing and tediously slow for me. I feel like killing myslef when a younger cousin tells me I learnt driving just by watching others drive. Another laughs when he sits with me; he does an entire commentary on how fast I’m driving and how the world is spinning by so fast he can actually make out the cyclers passing us by! Lol. (In my defence, when he sat with me, I was with my father who NEVER lets me drive faster than 30km/h…ya, u can laugh too but thats how it is!) I’m not finding the driving itself very difficult. I’m having trouble dealing with my self-consciousness and thus, controlling my temper.

Once I gave such a blatant show of insecurity, I was shocked at myself. This is in the days when I had just started learning how to drive and didn’t really know much crap about it. There’s this one female cousin I have who I don’t get along well with at all. She’s irritating and younger; a perfect combo for me to spill out my insecurity and self-consciousness at her. She was sitting in the back seat and in the front was my Bhabhi. We set off and in the beginning (and even now sometimes, to be honest) my car gave a bumpy ride. M, my cousin, has a tendency to overrreact and started wailing that she doesn’t want to die. Words flew outta my mouth before I could stop myself. Later I obviously regretted them. I don’t like to expose myself normally, so to speak. And I don’t really cuss much at all now. “M, will you shut the fuck up?”

I can give the explanation that in those days I was pretty screwed up mentally which is why I lost control and cursed. This isn’t entirely untrue but I think I know what the real problem is. It’s always been like this; I go to a new place, I meet new people, I’m in a new environment and I’ll be defensive. Not the usual defences people put, but super defensive and super self-conscious and super insecure. I’m assuming I just let my guards down too easily. Not good. I ought to work on this. (Work on it…hmmm..now where have I heard this before? Lol)

As usual, I don’t know what to name this post or how to conclude it since I’m basically rambling. Hehe. I need to start getting philosphical and intelligent again soon or my million readers will run away. Lol

It’s been a long long time since Ive updated my blog. Tis sad, I know, but I just didn’t feel like updating. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like nothing has been happening in my life. Lol. I’m getting married in 2 days insha’Allah. Hehe….So ‘happening’ it is, most certainly!

Oooo…marriage? Scary? Exciting? ‘Nervousing?”

It should be. Lol. I once said to my fiance (a month or so back, I think) that by the time we will actually get married, we will probably have had so much of everything, our own wedding will become all humdrum and boring for us. Lol! It hasn’t become boring abhi (Lol!) but its probably not THAT freaky an event for me as it might be for some other girl. Ya, I’m getting married. Yes, Khair Mubarik. Yes, Al-Hamdulillah I’m happy. Aur sunayen?

Hehe…

ok, maybe I’m exaggerating and it’s not like this. But close it is!

Duas for me, my million million regular readers! Please! Lol…

Ever felt like there are too many things going wrong in the world and you wanna question God why does He let it be? Well, normally I don’t reach the point of actually thinking of questioning Him but today I was struck down; one horrible/complicated/sad news after the other. And by the end of it all, I made the stupid mistake of thinking out loud in front of a roomful of people, “Buss Allah mian, aap say tau milna hai! Too many questions to ask You!”

I know that doesn’t sound like much, but in a place like BNU, I personally think people who claim to be proud of their identity (like wearing your ‘labels’ if you are a Muslim or claiming to be a Satanist, for example) must be very careful. What image are they portraying? Can any body get the wrong idea about them and then judge their beliefs according to what he think of them?

Well, I guess in today’s world, Muslims especially have to think about this before doing anything. You know, so that people don’t see them doing something wrong and generalise, “See, all Muslims are like that!” Or “All hijabis are like that!”

Blahh!

I mean, I normally don’t have any problem in being careful but sometimes I just think. Why is a set of beliefs judged according to the people who practice it? Or even if people do not judge the beliefs but the believers, like some people claim, then why don’t they show some guts and have the gall to go try and practice their beliefs perfectly themselves instead of just criticizing the people who at least try?

Lol! I’m being too stupid and judgemental here. Probably because I’m a bit disturbed in the head. Lol! NO, I do not mean I’m retarded, only that I’m a little upset by all that’s happening around me. People  who I really really care for are upset, confused, stuck in complicated situations. It just hurts me.

Blehhh…I don’t even know where this post is going. Just forget it and stop reading it!

I’m crazy!

Nobody comments on my blog!

My blog aint that boring…

…or is it?

Lol. UHH…I forgot to say Assalamu Alaikum and Howdy doody to you folks ‘offically’ on the blog after I came back from Hajj. SO here…

Assalamu Alaikum!!

How were u guys behind me?

Missed me?

In case you are wondering, I’ll post some nice Hajj stories soon InshAllah!

Keep praying for me!

Wassalamu Alaikum,

Sana

I have exactly 12 hours left till I leave for the airport inshAllah. Obviously, I’m really happy and excited. But my excitement is dampened by the fact that I have to submit TWO FINAL research papers before I leave.

I mean, they were supposed to be handed in on 20th and 22nd, I think. But since I am leaving InshAllah, I’m told to give it earlier. I mean, think about it. Is it fair? Since I’m going for Hajj, I should be excused. It’s only fair. Haina?

ONLY 11 HOURS LEFT TILL I LEAVE!! ONE WHOLE RESEARCH PAPER LEFT! A RESEARCH PAPER WHICH IS WORTH 50% OF THE ENTIRE GRADE OF THAT COURSE!!!! HELP!! SOMEBODY DO IT FOR ME!!

DA VINCE CODE, THE HOAX, IS STILL LEFT! HELP!!!!

I MEAN, I’LL BE GONE AND THE SUBMISSION DATE WILL PASS. AND I WON’T BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING. WHAT DO I DO, WHAT DO I DO??

SOMEBODY DO IT FOR ME!

PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*wails and pulls at hair*

Quite some time back, I read Dan Brown’s “The Da Vinci Code.” I fell in love with it!! I thought there was so much detailed information in it that I read it a second time and loved it more. For a course at college, “Communication Skills,” we were supposed to do a research paper on “The Da Vinci Code.”

Call me ignorant, if you wish, but i just found out…

Dan Brown is such a fraud!! Allahu Akbar!!

99% of his ‘facts’ are all lies!! Imagine!!

^{Every SINGLE  thing is all B.S!!}

^{IM SO MADDD!!! *grrrrrrrrrr*}