All those blues…

I’ve reached the conclusion that sitting farigh has hazardous effects on my mental and physical health. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been really busy with college; attending make-up classes which ended after 5 almost every day, doing assignments, taking exams, fretting about, making and finally giving presentations, coming home around 6:30-7 almost every other day and feeling very important when treated kindly by my family since ‘I’ve been working so hard.’ Lol.

I’ve been loving the fretting, the complaints and the work itself. I finally feel like I’m learning new things, I’m making something out of my life, I’m gaining experiences which will stay with me at least awhile. I don’t feel as useless as I’ve been for a long time. I’m not being as lazy as I have always been (not pysically though-according to a recent report by my Ma, I sit, lie down, and crouch on the sofa 24 hours a day and it’s doing my nokain no good!).

Today, after weeks, the old Sana has been haunting me. Even though when I got up in the afternoon, lol, I made my bed, raced through the washroom with a wiper and did a thing here and there, I’ve been sitting idle for most of the time. Even though I have one exam and a test in the coming week, didn’t really feel like studying at all though I tried and even opened my books! Lol. But all in vain, since didn’t know what I felt like doing. I kept chanting to myself a list of things: Words and Images, Volpone, Huckleberry Fin, blogging, magazine, Creative Writing, response papers, maybe Eleven Minutes hi, eating some dessert, Gone with the Wind, watching TV, sitting online, starting a new book, watching a movie.

And then the chant is repeated again and yet again but I don’t feel like doing anything out of it at all.

Obviously after all this, depression is bound to sink in. I’m feeling low, thinking about nothing in particular; one specific thing haunts me day in day out but that’s nothing new. I’m just sad. Over nothing. Over everything.

Maybe I should go out and drive. Maybe I should go to a cousin’s place. Maybe I should eat something and feel better. Maybe I should run away. Maybe I should talk to somebody on the phone.

Nothing. Nobody. No place.