What the hay…!

I took this personality test on Facebook; those of you who wish to know me or who already know me and wish to see how questions and answers lead to an analysis of my personality can view it here: “>My Personality Report

It’s very interesting, try reading it once! It’s long but I enjoyed and it can lead to an interesting discussion with the subject being:

ME!

*Khamoshian ye seh na sakoon…awaz de ke mujhay tu day ja sukoon* playing in the background

How wonderful would it be if we could Select: All, None, Read, Unread, Starred, Unstarred memories and past mistakes, click on Delete Forever (imagine forever! FOREVER! sigh) and life congratulates and celebrates with us:

Hooray, no spam here!

I’ve never liked re-reading something I’ve written. Too insecure, too cowardly-whatever you wanna call it. But I was just thinking that even though I’ve never visited my archives, I’m pretty sure that I’ve never really blogged in a good mood. Upset, definitely; depressed beyond belief, certainly; nostalgic, many atimes; maybe even normal sometimes but never happy, never excited.

I’m sure it might not come across as that bad since my lowest form of wit emerges a lot when I’m upset and can be funny at times so my blog doesn’t seem like a “whineboard” as some people might call it. lol. But it has been like that and I’m sad about it.

 One day when I’m sixty, old, toothless, terribly nostalgic and digging old graves and new, I might want to return to this blog and re-discover the 19-20 year old Sana. And what would that poor old hag find? Someone as depressed, as disturbed and as sick in the head as the old nagging woman of the 2050s. May my soul rest in peace, I’m sure the doppelganger in the blog wouldn’t help the dying woman in any way.

Tsk tsk and sigh…

Oh, I’ve been taking a lot of photographs recently ever since my brother gifted me with a new phone with a pretty decent camera…here are a few since I have nothing better to do than wait for them to upload and make my blog pretty and colorful.

I’ve reached the conclusion that sitting farigh has hazardous effects on my mental and physical health. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been really busy with college; attending make-up classes which ended after 5 almost every day, doing assignments, taking exams, fretting about, making and finally giving presentations, coming home around 6:30-7 almost every other day and feeling very important when treated kindly by my family since ‘I’ve been working so hard.’ Lol.

I’ve been loving the fretting, the complaints and the work itself. I finally feel like I’m learning new things, I’m making something out of my life, I’m gaining experiences which will stay with me at least awhile. I don’t feel as useless as I’ve been for a long time. I’m not being as lazy as I have always been (not pysically though-according to a recent report by my Ma, I sit, lie down, and crouch on the sofa 24 hours a day and it’s doing my nokain no good!).

Today, after weeks, the old Sana has been haunting me. Even though when I got up in the afternoon, lol, I made my bed, raced through the washroom with a wiper and did a thing here and there, I’ve been sitting idle for most of the time. Even though I have one exam and a test in the coming week, didn’t really feel like studying at all though I tried and even opened my books! Lol. But all in vain, since didn’t know what I felt like doing. I kept chanting to myself a list of things: Words and Images, Volpone, Huckleberry Fin, blogging, magazine, Creative Writing, response papers, maybe Eleven Minutes hi, eating some dessert, Gone with the Wind, watching TV, sitting online, starting a new book, watching a movie.

And then the chant is repeated again and yet again but I don’t feel like doing anything out of it at all.

Obviously after all this, depression is bound to sink in. I’m feeling low, thinking about nothing in particular; one specific thing haunts me day in day out but that’s nothing new. I’m just sad. Over nothing. Over everything.

Maybe I should go out and drive. Maybe I should go to a cousin’s place. Maybe I should eat something and feel better. Maybe I should run away. Maybe I should talk to somebody on the phone.

Nothing. Nobody. No place.