What the hay…!

A lot has been going on recently. A very dear ”A” of mine recently got Nikkahed very suddenly. I was really happy for her and still am, for I really like her guy (I know him). But then this huge controversy,conspiracies, wild rumors, white lies, spread like wildfire in my very well-connected and extremely peace-loving family and I was left stunned as to who to believe and what. I, too, (I’m very regretful to say) got carried away in the beginning and discussed the rumors exhaustively. I revelled in the idea of being thoroughly misled and deceived by a certain someone, obviously enjoying the idea of being the innocent victim who is so good she can’t see the dark side of other people. I may be exaggerating how I was feeling here but tis the gist. I was, though, scared the entire time, knowing I was doing Gumaan about other people and putting unwarranted Buhtaan but still not stopping myself. Later that night, I sought forgiveness from Allah. I sat and thought about the entire matter with a clear objective head and I decided to give the benefit of the doubt to the person I thought I knew so well. I decided to trust my own judgement of her (though some people and Certain Someones would readily not!) and I decided to accept her as innocent until proven guilty.

Today I’m proud of my choice.

Neway, this was the hot topic in my life for a few days. After that came the blessed happiness of the darn passport of Hub dearest. Lol. It finally arrived Al-Hamdulillah after months and weeks and days and mornings and tahajjud times and rozas and hours of waiting. Allah finally blessed me with what I, my family, my husband, my relatives, all had been pleading, and begging and fighting and supplicating for. Lol. Last night he left. InshaAllah he will be working in a few dayz Al-Hamdulillah.

I talked to his mother today. She seemed upset, a bit lonely and worried that he reach there safe and sound. I was discussing with her how things are now tht he has left and she said that of course the house feels empty and lonely, his brothers and sister seem very quiet today, but everything will be fine in a few days as they gradually adjust to his absence.

While talking to her and afterwards, I was thinking how adaptable  man is! Allah has created us in such a way that we all learn to survive with or without Significant Someones. Though the thought kills before the actual absence occurs, but after it does, life seems to take a new turn and keep moving. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean we ever forget our Significant Someones and loved ones. We just learn to live without their phyical presences. If somebody else chooses to let go of old memories, that’s their way, but I am made to cling onto old memories and keep hoping and praying for new ones.

But still! I can’t keep wondering at how dispensable man is! I’m not referring to how dispensable human life has become. It is a different issue that we have become totally immune to the losses of human life, be they great in number  or  totally ‘insignificant’, but the truth is that they have ceased to affect us in any way. I remember a time when my heart used to sink at the news of a single person dying, when I used to give a full few minutes to imagine how his/her family must be taking it, how it must have felt, what would be happening to him/her now. But everyday now I hear about various suicide bombings, bridges falling, people dying and I don’t even pay full attention to the Breaking news.

Neway, though all this is important of course, right now I was referring ot the way man himself is dispensable. When a beloved lives, we cry at the very thought of ever being separate from that person geographically. And then if Death comes wheezing in and sweeping away everything that remained, we cry a few buckets and then keep on living. Finally a time comes when we think that that person, and the portions of our lives with that person, never existed-as if it was all a dream.

I have discussed my own death with a lot of people. I know the ones who will be tortured by my death, and the ones whose eyes will pop out at hearing bout it but probably not give me a dua after the “hot news” dies down a week later. And I realize there will be a few who will quietly wipe their tears under the covers at night, afraid of coming out in front of everybody to grieve over my death, revealing that they, too, had cared for me while I was alive. Most probably, if I will be told after my death, that these people cried, I will go in profound shock.

Life is very funny…even funnier is death,which kicks out all the humor of life and settles in with its perpetual darkness (or light, hopefully!) 

As usual, I have much strayed from the topic I started off with. But at least I’ve penned down my musings on digital paper after a long time so all’s good!

I wish I knew how to end this post…lets just do a summary..A’s Nikkah, my treachery, Uzers passport, his mom, suicide bombings, dispensability of man and human life, my death and my secret well-wishers!

Now am I a versatile writer or what???

MAN!